|Hooray, the end
||[Feb. 3rd, 2011|03:30 pm]
But first, my thoughts on life. Ah fuck feelings!! And Bink, FUCK YO THEORIES. Here it is.|
And here I am, inches away from being food for a snarling, drooling monstrosity with a breath I can only describe as a conglomeration of all the animals in the worlds' feces. What a sad end to my sad pathetic life. Should I be surprised that it came to this.
“Holy Pillars of fucking Valesium man!! Didn't they teach you to fight shit like this in your stupid university?!!
“Come on lad. Don't freeze up now. Use what you know. ANYTHING DAMMIT!!”
I didn't think it'd come to this.
“I lied.” As if they misheard the worst thing ever to mishear they shook their heads.
“I . . .I . . . lied ok. I really didn't graduate from the University Concentrated on Learning the Arcane.”
The look that was once intense focus on the beast now became burning rage towards me. Yes, follks, I lied. I couldn't cut it as a full-fledged wizard. I made it about six months before I was kicked out. Ok, that's not true either. I left. It wasn't the long hours and lack of sleep. I didn't mind that at all. It wasn't the cost to study there. In fact they have a pretty good loan program. Speaking of loan programs, remember that “messenger” who threatened to rip my still beating heart from my chest for recompense? He wasn't a UCLA loan officer. He was sort of an enforcer, of those who didn't pay the Toad Alley Reapers in time for “services rendered.” I couldn't go back home without having graduated, so Beedy, who actually failed out, knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew a guy, who could get us some forged scrolls. He said he could do everything from land titles to proof of royalty, given the right price. We didn't have much to give, but they said it was ok. We can pay it back later in installments. And that's how they hooked Beedy and me.
“A FORGED SCROLL!! I knew you were too good to be true. Damn me for being so blindly desperate."
“I swear to fucking Jeebus kid you better hope this thing kills one of us cuz if it doesn't, I will rip your square head and shove it up your round asshole!!”
You know what it was? I couldn't take the pressure. I didn't think I had what it took. I was told by Professor Lazuli, that in order to know the Arcane, you must embrace it with full force. Hold on to it until your muscles ache, your body trembles, and your mind wanders into confusion. Then, with unknown reserve you crush this malevolently beautiful force until eventually, it becomes a part of you. If you're not willing to do that, then you should leave now.
So I left. Six months and I already knew I couldn't muster up that type of courage, that resolve. I still wanted to get some sort of magical training, so instead I applied to the Generic Conjuration College.
“GCC?!! You went to GCC?!!"
"Holy Hand of Malaten! We hired a second-hand wizard!”
“Aaahh fuck! Why did our last guy have to be a fucking pervert?!!”
“I did a semester in the Prestidigitatorial Cantrips College.”
“SHUT UP!!” They both yelled in unison. I should have taken my mother's advice and tried to join the Hawkstone Guard. I could have been Gibson's punching bag training as a paladin of the Rubine Order. Heck, I could have just worked under my father making horseshoes and stovepipes for a living. Nope, I had to go try to be a damn wizard, but now I was gonna be lizard food. And as it lunged at me . . . everything went blank.
How disappointing that my death has to be just as boring. I feel nothing. I see nothing. I hear nothing. I guess I could have been something if I tried harder. Sorry Gemma, I was suppose to be . . . no. I can let my parents down. I can let my brothers down. I could care less if I see the tramper and stump again. And Tanya . . . like I could ever get a girl like her. But that doesn't matter. If there was a reason I was to make it out of here it would be for her. To crush her hopes of me being the next Meranom, or Veracosa, or she dared say it, Lyganstel. That's not going to happen. To use a tramper's swear word, oh fuck that?!!
When I got my senses back I took stock of what I saw in front of me. Gil was to my right, mouth wide open. It looked as if he was about to tackle me from harm's way, but stopped mid stride. Bev was behind me. It seems she was thrown off the beast, and right over me. She too was about ready to grab me and drag me down, but like Gil, was dumbstruck. Tanya had come to, wide-eyed, and hand over mouth. My feet were firmly planted on the ground. My hands were fully extended, smoke rising from them like wispy snakes climbing imaginary vines, hot, and trembling. And paces in front of me was a large, charred pile of flesh, bone and ashes, still smoldering, and looked to have been blasted back by some fiery, malevolent force that I could only equate to as a fireball.
Gil was the first to speak. “Alright son. Now I'm confused. Are you or are you not a real wizard?”
And cut. This is my pilot story. I forgot how I explained it to Bobby and Jon, but it can be both a story on it's own, or trail off into other chapters. Though seriously, there's too many unanswered questions for it to be on its own but, that's good for now. And yes, it's a draft. It needs a good amount of work. But hey, it's complete. I like it. Read it. If not, fuck you!! Fuckn . . . cock chaos!!
Ok back to stupid feelings . . . but that will have TO BE CONTINUED